We're facebook friends in real life
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
