Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
