It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Randomize
