separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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