Whod you bang
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
