whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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