We're facebook friends in real life
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I just found puke in my bra..
Semen is not good for contacts.
Vodka?
Forever.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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