I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
hell yes lets make some ravioli
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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