now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
