So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
