I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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