so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Randomize
