R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Come share oat with me in your robe
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
