i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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