elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
