the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
