its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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