Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
