Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
