She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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