Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
