ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
