No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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