I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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