We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
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I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
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P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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