"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
