Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
