im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
