I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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