Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
