Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
