If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
