was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
