Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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