walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
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arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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