Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
