There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
