If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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