he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
