This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
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