We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
