Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
