I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
