Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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