My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
