I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
