I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
