I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
