I'm going to jail i love you
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
