I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
