All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
