Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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