Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
