I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
