dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
