Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
