OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
