I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
false alarm. still invincible.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize