Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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