put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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