Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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