kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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