i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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