There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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