I'm so fucking centered right now
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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