You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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