Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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