Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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