I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
