I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
