There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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