ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
