Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
