Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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