I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
