Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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