I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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