Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
