you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
