i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
