i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
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