Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
no, he came in my armpit
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
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