i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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