Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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