I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
